Ok, I know you’ve been waiting for this for ages, and here it is: your ultimate (not really) yoga glossary of terms. You’re welcome.
1. Child’s pose – wait, I’m supposed to get my hips to my heels? A quick way to pins and needles. Sometimes comes with the satisfaction of leaving a little forehead-shaped sweat puddle on the mat.
2. Pranayama – a way of the teacher distracting you with breath so you don’t realise you’re rubbish at the current pose. And feel really unfit.
3. Prana – the overall awareness of the cramps, shaking, sweating and general near-death that reminds you you’re still alive. Just.
4. Vinyasa – the bit, thank god, you’re (sometimes) allowed to skip. Thoughts of yoga being just for old ladies leave your mind.
5. Chaturanga – apparently requiring the upper body strength of an olympic gymnast. Can we skip this too?
6. Happy baby – the pose in which you *really* don’t want to make eye contact with anyone, especially the guy in the corner.
7. Downward facing dog – someone once claimed this to be a resting pose, but you don’t rest. At all. You also wonder how everyone else gets their shirt to stay up.
8. Inversions – to go upside down, and stay there? Yeah, that’s not happening. Child’s pose becomes a happy alternative.
9. Meditation – when you think *a lot* about what you’re having for tea and if you look fat sat like this.
10. Savasana – the period you get to lie in your own sweat and thank god it’s over. This, finally, is one pose you can smash. You still think meticulously about food, though.
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